Playing Happy Families with allergic and non-allergic children?

Happy Families is a great game if only life played out so simply!

When our second child was born we wanted to do everything possible in our power to avoid a repeat of the situation with our eldest child: multiple, severe allergies and chronic eczema. Moisturising skin as much as possible, early weaning and by a wing and a lot of prayer she’s largely managed to avoid it. Who knows whether what we did made a difference???

But one thing we hadn’t prepared for- or even thought about- was the managing of family life with one child with chronic health conditions and another with a more straightforward experience with regard to health. 

Managing hospital appointments, trips to the pharmacy, daily skin care regimes and pursuit of a balanced and nutritious diet can be time consuming and stressful for parents of children with allergies. But these issues can become next level when other siblings enter into the mix. You can even find yourself in a situation where to keep one child healthy you have to exclude certain foods or allergens while needing to keep the other healthy by including them!

With a husband allergic to tree nuts but fine with peanuts and a child severely allergic to peanuts but fine with most tree nuts, I found it easier to draw a line in the sand and have a no nuts policy at home. But when you have a child severely allergic to major food groups like dairy and also allergic to egg total exclusion is not always an option without seriously curtailing the diet of other family members.

And what about creating healthy relationships around food? How can you teach children that food can be enjoyed and that it’s ok to make a mess and eat a variety of food when they are also being told to wash their hands, face and not to touch anything when they have food on their hands! It is a stressful and complicated game.

How do you navigate chronic medical conditions as a family when one child literally demands significantly more attention? How do you spend time with each child when so much of family life and time is centred on the child with allergies and keeping them healthy  (even more so if they have multiple conditions like asthma, eczema)! 

Managing family life: meals, routines, medical appointments and time spent together is really tricky when juggling allergies. So what can be done to help those who find themselves in that position?  Well, unfortunately, we certainly do not have all the answers but we’ve compiled a little list of things you can try to help create a Happy Allergy Friendly Family. 

1. Fix your own oxygen mask before helping others

This is so much easier to say than do!!! And so easily overlooked. But, there’s a lot of sense in this. You will be less effective at helping anyone else if you haven’t had your own cup filled up. When caring for others with chronic health conditions, it is so important that you carve out time for yourself. Whether that is to exercise, eat in peace, get some sleep, read, be creative (ideally all the above!). It is essential. Set time aside to fix your oxygen supply.

2. Involve siblings in care regimes

Whether it is to fetch this or that cream/inhaler/bandage/plaster/bottle we’ve found involving our youngest in the care of the oldest has slightly helped an otherwise tricky dynamic and time of the day. Allowing them to help apply moisturisers and bandages- even to their own scrapes and bruises- helps to make everyone feel included and part of the routine. While older children might just be happy to amuse themselves, instead of placating younger siblings, trying to include them as much as possible can help.

3. Share the love as much as possible

Pursuing interests and hobbies completely unrelated to allergies and eczema has been really helpful for bringing joy and providing talking points within our family. Activities that build connection and self worth and provide moments of one-on-one attention and praise can help share out the attention. For example, learning a new skill or musical instrument (even if through You-Tube!) provides opportunities for every member to get their moment in the spot-light, get ‘noticed’ and receive praise. Especially important for the child who doesn't 'get all the attention'.

4. Get Specialist Help! 

Be brave and ask for help when you feel your family needs it. Family and child therapy sessions are available in Children’s Hospitals and you don’t have to be at the end of your tether before asking for it! Ask your consultant(s)/ specialist nurses or GP if there is any psychological help available for families managing chronic health conditions. 

5. Explore Complex Feelings Through Play

   
   

Use role play with small figures, rubber ducks, dinosaurs with younger children to explore complex feelings and emotions around dealing with chronic health conditions. Simple role plays with a little sister duck, big brother duck and mummy duck at bathtime helped us give a voice to complicated feelings and worries in a safe and manageable way. 

6. Have Lots of Food Free Fun!

Whether it is a trip to the local park, walk in the woods or nerf battle with cardboard box fort! Life doesn't revolve around food. Try to have fun that builds relationship and leaves you all with happy memories. Getting out of the house is good for putting an end to squabbling and focusing attention elsewhere. Activities don’t have to be expensive or physically draining (the less, the better as far as I’m concerned) but can also help to keep perspective and remember that life exists outside of allergies.

7. Unleash the Budding Chef

There is much on You-Tube to rot the brain but online food shorts and videos have been really helpful for encouraging my children to get interested in food and cooking. Encouraging allergic and non-allergic siblings to help in the kitchen can help short-circuit the inevitable moans and groans about what they are having to eat for dinner. Turns out letting go and handing over a little bit of control can help engage reluctant or fearful eaters. 

8. Attitude of Gratitude

This is a hard one to tell people but it is helpful to remember that there is a lot to be thankful for and it can be helpful for maintaining perspective. From epi-pens and medications that save lives to ever greater awareness and treatments. For the food options that don’t cause allergic reactions and for a body that helps to keep us healthy.

Thoughts? How do you manage family life and allergies? Share the love and the wisdom below...